Having lived with a dream for most of my life, it is simply devastating to have it dashed and trampled into smithereens within mere seconds.
I did not expect it.
If I had been given the power of foresight I would do anything possible to salvage whatever I could but...it is not to be. Some would say it is just not my destiny, not my fate, not mine. There is this saying 'what is yours will be yours but what isn't yours, will never be' that pops to mind, reminding me the bitterness of being forced to let go a lifelong dream.
Despite that, I still have a tiny thread of hope, a thin transparent string of tenacity to hold on to that dream. Yes, it is already crushed into a million pieces, but I still cling to the shards, gathering it, ignoring the tiny cuts, keeping them close to me.
It is a dream I had as a kid and by hook or by crook, I will not let it go just like that. Not without a fight. Not without attempting to piece together the jagged million-piece puzzle my dream had become. Not without begging on my knees and pleading for a chance. A tiny little chance. It does not matter that I may not be able to achieve the dream as I envisioned it but at least, give me something. Even a fraction of it is good enough.
What is life worth living for if we are not motivated and powered to move on by our very own dreams? I do not dream of riches (well, sometimes I do but then, that is silly daydreaming), I do not dream of fame, popularity or even beauty.
No, what I crave and have always wanted is to achieve something I have always wanted through sheer determination and hard work. I am not asking for handouts here. I am not asking for freebies. All I wanted is just to achieve that dream and to get that satisfaction and contentment of finally reaching that lifelong dream and goal. Is that too much to ask?
Sigh. Life is such that is it never fair. Be that as it may, I will not let this drag me down. Crushed as my dreams are, I will find a way to build it up again and I will definitely live through this.