I have always been a dreamer.
Never does a day past that I didn't spend seconds, minutes and hours letting my mind wander aimlessly.
Sometimes it will go where no men dared tread, to flirt and court with the many morbid mysteries of death, ghosts, demons and the supernatural.
Many have accused me of being morbid when I mentioned thinking about death and what happens after death but for me, what is so taboo about it after all? Everyone dies. No one is immortal (except for the cheerleader in Heroes). So, why the fear?
As for ghosts, demons and the supernatural, these are sentient beings that many do not believe exists. Having seen a few ghosts (honestly! I did see a few and I am not insane) and heard stories about demons and the supernatural which is very much a part of the Asian culture, it is only natural for me to think about them and what are they, where they hang out and what they do all day. Do they have jobs? Do they have families like humans? Things like that.
At times my mind wanders into the haphazard worlds of my characters, who are all sitting around waiting for me to finish telling their stories so that I could get their stories out to publishers and hopefully accepted and published for the world to read.
Often, my characters would take me on weird but interesting journeys into their worlds and they would often lament my lack of speediness in telling their life stories to the real world.
Occasionally I would wander into the 'what if' realm.
We all have our 'what if I suddenly received $1mil' moments and I am no exception.
In younger days, I would dream of frittering away the million bucks on books, clothes and food. As I grow older, the list grew to add in a house and a car. And in recent times, perhaps due to the influence of people around me, the list was erased. The million bucks would be invested in safe government bonds or other safe investments and let it grow. I would use it as the base to make more money and once I reach the target of say, two to three million, I would stop. I'll still leave the original million tied up in investments to continue making money while the extra millions would be used to fulfill whatever material needs I have always lusted after. Of course, it would also mean I will be able to finally quit my job, finally be a stay-at-home mom and fulfill my life-long dream of becoming a romance writer. Part of all that money would also go to charities and organisations I have always supported such as the WWF and RSPCA. It's not because I want to look good as a generous donor but I truly wanted to help and since these organisations are always short of funds, it is the best way to help.
Then when I tire of the 'what if' game, my mind wanders on to concoct evil schemes to get rid of my in-laws once and for all. I am sure almost all married women and men out there can't stand their in-laws and no wonder. It seemed that in-laws are put there to torture and made the lives of their sons and daughters-in-laws' a total hell. My hubby is lucky in a sense that my mom, when she was alive, lived in another country halfway across the world from us and my dad who practically does not even bother to call us unless we called him to pay him a visit. My in-laws are totally different to the point that I have thought up various ways to get rid of them and get away with it!
When guilt over my evil scheming starts to act up, I let my mind wander back to my past and start wondering what had happened to that thin male teacher who taught me history for two years.
Daydreaming has always been a fun activity for me and some may think it is a total waste of time, I felt it has helped me through many tough times, taught me lessons, gave me story ideas and most importantly, kept me alive with imagination and creativity!
Wednesday
Disappearing act and dieting
Between work and family obligations, I have been so caught up and busy for the past weeks that I did not even realise I have not posted anything for a full month!
I remember starting to write a post or two but somehow got interrupted and the post ended up empty and abandoned.
One of the post was to gleefully announce my successful weight loss! I've lost almost 20lbs in the past five months and am darn proud of it! The most amazing part are the inches lost! I lost about 6in off my waistline and dozens more on my upper body, hips and thighs.
I am so happy that I can now fit into a size 10 that I went out to celebrate with chocolates and ice creams!
Though not exactly deprived of my favourite desserts during my Shapeworks/Herbalife diet, as I sometimes do give in and indulge in a chocolate bar or two, I still missed stuffing myself silly with chocolate peanut butter ice cream, chocolate fudge ice cream, dark chocolate, sneakers, Oreos, anything with the word chocolate in it!
Now I weigh 132lbs for my 5'5" medium frame. Though still not my ideal weight and I am still considered a tad on the heavy side for my frame and height, I am happy as it is. My hubby has no complains. I can fit into all my pre-pregnancy clothes and even clothes I bought more than ten years ago. Life is good! I feel healthier and more lively!
I still exercise daily with morning walks and Denise Austin's floor exercise routines. I continue to take the protein shakes once a day instead of twice a day. I made sure to eat healthy meals and allow myself desserts and snacks. Moderation is the key to everything!
Perhaps I may even try to lose another 10lbs to reach my ideal weight but this time, it is not because someone said something nasty to me, it is because I want to show that I can do it if I set my sight to it.
Let's just hope I do not become pregnant again.....
I remember starting to write a post or two but somehow got interrupted and the post ended up empty and abandoned.
One of the post was to gleefully announce my successful weight loss! I've lost almost 20lbs in the past five months and am darn proud of it! The most amazing part are the inches lost! I lost about 6in off my waistline and dozens more on my upper body, hips and thighs.
I am so happy that I can now fit into a size 10 that I went out to celebrate with chocolates and ice creams!
Though not exactly deprived of my favourite desserts during my Shapeworks/Herbalife diet, as I sometimes do give in and indulge in a chocolate bar or two, I still missed stuffing myself silly with chocolate peanut butter ice cream, chocolate fudge ice cream, dark chocolate, sneakers, Oreos, anything with the word chocolate in it!
Now I weigh 132lbs for my 5'5" medium frame. Though still not my ideal weight and I am still considered a tad on the heavy side for my frame and height, I am happy as it is. My hubby has no complains. I can fit into all my pre-pregnancy clothes and even clothes I bought more than ten years ago. Life is good! I feel healthier and more lively!
I still exercise daily with morning walks and Denise Austin's floor exercise routines. I continue to take the protein shakes once a day instead of twice a day. I made sure to eat healthy meals and allow myself desserts and snacks. Moderation is the key to everything!
Perhaps I may even try to lose another 10lbs to reach my ideal weight but this time, it is not because someone said something nasty to me, it is because I want to show that I can do it if I set my sight to it.
Let's just hope I do not become pregnant again.....
Sunday
Male chauvinism and sexism
This is definitely a man's world we are living in and despite much progress women have made in this age and time, there are still total idiotic cavemen out there who thought women are merely there to produce children, cook and clean, nothing else, nothing more.
It is this cavemen thinking that is the root cause of violence against women such as rapes, sexual harassment and other sexual crimes. Many of the perpetrators thought nothing of women and therefore have no respect for women at all to commit such heinous crimes against women and children.
There is no one to blame except for society and the way they raise these beasts who eventually thought they have a right to commit any crime against women.
However, my recent encounter with such a caveman almost had me publicly assaulting a public figure. This chauvinistic poor excuse for a male specimen is actually a politician of high standing with sexist views and absolute chauvinistic mentality.
Recently, he publicly blamed women as the cause for sexual crimes against women.
"It is the way they dressed. Women nowadays are revealing too much in their skimpy attire, creating lusts in men who sees them," he said.
He went on to say that as a man himself, he too felt lustful after seeing a skimpily clothed woman in a shopping mall but 'fortunately, he is able to control his lust'.
When accused of being sexist by making such a remark, this idiot dared to deny that he was belittling women with his statement.
He went on to say that he has all the respect for women but only had objections to the current fashion fad of skimpy attire.
"I am not at all sexist," he claimed.
His righteous tone and firm believe that women's dressing is the root cause for sexual crimes is enough for me to commit violence against the idiot. He should be so glad that I am able to 'control' my feelings.
What is this world coming into if there are men like this holding high political positions? I also found out that this same man also sits in some counselling board or other. I just could not imagine how such a total buffoon could be a counsellor? What if a rape victim or sexual crime victim were to approach him for counselling and he started blaming the poor victim and telling her that she brought it onto herself?
He might as well blame jewelry stores that were robbed for displaying their wares. After all, the stores are submitting passersby to temptations of the glittery kind every day and there are bound to be those who can't control themselves. It weren't the robbers' fault at all!
Is there any logic in this at all? Sometimes I really wonder why men like this still exist.
His righteous tone and firm believe that women's dressing is the root cause for sexual crimes is enough for me to commit violence against the idiot. He should be so glad that I am able to 'control' my feelings.
What is this world coming into if there are men like this holding high political positions? I also found out that this same man also sits in some counselling board or other. I just could not imagine how such a total buffoon could be a counsellor? What if a rape victim or sexual crime victim were to approach him for counselling and he started blaming the poor victim and telling her that she brought it onto herself?
He might as well blame jewelry stores that were robbed for displaying their wares. After all, the stores are submitting passersby to temptations of the glittery kind every day and there are bound to be those who can't control themselves. It weren't the robbers' fault at all!
Is there any logic in this at all? Sometimes I really wonder why men like this still exist.
Wednesday
TT Number Three!
1) Wake up at crack of dawn due to an internal clock which won't quit!
2) Brush teeth, wash face and check on baby to make sure he is still sleeping soundly
3) Tiptoe around the house so as not to wake both baby and hubby
4) Go for my morning exercise which involves 20 minutes of brisk walking, 15 minutes of climbing stairs and 20 minutes of floor exercises.
5) Wake hubby who never wakes up early on his own
6) Feed baby who is awake by now and toddling around the house, destroying everything in his path...(okay, it was more like strewing his toys all over the house and shredding bits of paper and tissue he can get his hands on)
7) Keep an eye on baby and keep him occupied while hubby sleepily prepares breakfast (we take turns to prepare breakfast but he often ended up doing it...)
8) Switch the cellphone on to check for any urgent SMS from the office
9) Eat breakfast while chasing baby who had managed to grab the cellphone and was running around the house with a cheeky glint in his eyes intending to throw the thing out the window
10) Frantically get ready for work
11) Get baby ready to drop him off at the babysitter's
12) Make sure everything is locked/switched off/kept in its proper place before leaving the house
13) Drop baby off at the babysitter's and drive like an F1 driver to reach the office on time
This is the boring routine of my life but next week, hopefully, I will have something more exciting to TT about!
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Saturday
Of rude FAT comments and insensitive people
Just the other day, I almost ended up with blood on my hands by pulling out the tongue and kicking the balls of an uncle for his discriminatory, insensitive remarks. The only thing that saved him was that the remarks were not said to my face but to a colleague of mine.
Of all the insensitive and rude remarks to make, the offending man actually told my colleague in a crowded elevator that, get this, she is fat.
This is how the conversation went:
"You are getting fatter by the day," the insensitive boor told my poor colleague.
Offended and hurt, she told him that considering she just had a baby, naturally she could not immediately bounce back to her former weight and size.
Being the insensitive jerk that he is, he pressed on and this time, dared to even mention me when I was not even in the darn elevator!
"Oh, you women always have some excuse or other about putting on weight. Just like my niece, she goes around with all that extra fat and claimed that she could not go on a diet just because she is breastfeeding. Utter nonsense is what I say. I don't see her losing any weight even after weaning off the baby. Women should take care of their bodies and lose all that ugly fat after having babies. But then, of course, it all depends on whether they have the will to lose the fat or not," he said in a self-righteous tone of voice while heavily implying that my colleague and me and all women in general who do not have supermodel figures obviously do not have any will to lose the extra inches.
At this juncture, my poor hurt colleague was about to scratch his eyes out and probably would have strangled him there and then except that there were too many witnesses around and him being a lot bigger and taller than her did not help matters.
This is not the first time this uncle of mine, whom I am not proud to be related to, have made such rude insensitive comments.
He had called me fat numerous times, even when I was pregnant.
A few months after I had my son, he actually came up to me and told me to my face that I am fat. When I replied huffily that I am not fat, it only served to make him affirm his statement by going on and on about my size.
"What do you mean you are not fat? Look at you! Look in the mirror, woman!"
Of course, I did not do anything at that time because this uncle of mine have the tendency to open his big insensitive mouth in public places where vengeful women like me could not do the necessary to silence him. What with plenty of witnesses hanging around, the situation is painful and embarrassing enough without me contributing a gory bloody crime scene to it.
This is one uncle I do not acknowledge and up till now, I have avoided him as best I could. He may be my father's brother but he is a downright pain in the neck and I do not want to end up a murderer.
The irony of it all is that my aunt, the woman married to him, is not supermodel thin. In fact, she is double my size and if I am fat, I do not know what she is in his view. I honestly felt sorry for her (to have such a boorish husband) and hoped that he does not mouth off at her over her weight every day. Since he is still alive today and they are still married, I can only assume that he dared not say anything about her weight to her for fear of her poisoning him or smothering him in his sleep!
My uncle is not the only insensitive, rude jerk who discriminates against people who are not reed thin.
I have come across many such people, including total strangers, who have the audacity to tell me to lose weight or that I should lay off the dessert.
I think it is extremely rude and in bad taste to comment about someone's weight and size. Just because they are on the underweight side does not mean they have the right to look down on those who wear double-digit sizes. Nor does it give them the right to tell us to lose weight or to cut down on our food or to make horridly discriminatory fat jokes and thought that it was okay and for our good.
People like these naturally assumed that we, the bigger and better group, have no self-control, that we are a lazy bunch who just eat, eat, eat and eat to get to the size we are and that we needed to be told that we should to do something to become the over-rated single-digit size of stick figures.
Staying in a country where most people are of single-digit sizes and double digits are considered obese, it is very difficult for me to go anywhere to shop for clothes. Often, I get disdainful stares from skinny promoters when I asked for bigger sizes of clothes. Always, I get directed to the 'big size women' boutique just because my size do not fit in with the norms of this country. At times, I do feel like an outcast from this size discriminatory treatment.
Despite all this, I have decided 'to hell with it all!' and continue to live life the way I want and who cares if all those stick figures out there continue to cast disdainful looks at me? As long as my husband do not care about the extra comfy padding for him to hug, as long as I am still as healthy as ever and is able to continue breastfeeding my son, the bony specimens of rude people out there can say whatever they want and it won't bother me at all!
Of all the insensitive and rude remarks to make, the offending man actually told my colleague in a crowded elevator that, get this, she is fat.
This is how the conversation went:
"You are getting fatter by the day," the insensitive boor told my poor colleague.
Offended and hurt, she told him that considering she just had a baby, naturally she could not immediately bounce back to her former weight and size.
Being the insensitive jerk that he is, he pressed on and this time, dared to even mention me when I was not even in the darn elevator!
"Oh, you women always have some excuse or other about putting on weight. Just like my niece, she goes around with all that extra fat and claimed that she could not go on a diet just because she is breastfeeding. Utter nonsense is what I say. I don't see her losing any weight even after weaning off the baby. Women should take care of their bodies and lose all that ugly fat after having babies. But then, of course, it all depends on whether they have the will to lose the fat or not," he said in a self-righteous tone of voice while heavily implying that my colleague and me and all women in general who do not have supermodel figures obviously do not have any will to lose the extra inches.
At this juncture, my poor hurt colleague was about to scratch his eyes out and probably would have strangled him there and then except that there were too many witnesses around and him being a lot bigger and taller than her did not help matters.
This is not the first time this uncle of mine, whom I am not proud to be related to, have made such rude insensitive comments.
He had called me fat numerous times, even when I was pregnant.
A few months after I had my son, he actually came up to me and told me to my face that I am fat. When I replied huffily that I am not fat, it only served to make him affirm his statement by going on and on about my size.
"What do you mean you are not fat? Look at you! Look in the mirror, woman!"
Of course, I did not do anything at that time because this uncle of mine have the tendency to open his big insensitive mouth in public places where vengeful women like me could not do the necessary to silence him. What with plenty of witnesses hanging around, the situation is painful and embarrassing enough without me contributing a gory bloody crime scene to it.
This is one uncle I do not acknowledge and up till now, I have avoided him as best I could. He may be my father's brother but he is a downright pain in the neck and I do not want to end up a murderer.
The irony of it all is that my aunt, the woman married to him, is not supermodel thin. In fact, she is double my size and if I am fat, I do not know what she is in his view. I honestly felt sorry for her (to have such a boorish husband) and hoped that he does not mouth off at her over her weight every day. Since he is still alive today and they are still married, I can only assume that he dared not say anything about her weight to her for fear of her poisoning him or smothering him in his sleep!
My uncle is not the only insensitive, rude jerk who discriminates against people who are not reed thin.
I have come across many such people, including total strangers, who have the audacity to tell me to lose weight or that I should lay off the dessert.
I think it is extremely rude and in bad taste to comment about someone's weight and size. Just because they are on the underweight side does not mean they have the right to look down on those who wear double-digit sizes. Nor does it give them the right to tell us to lose weight or to cut down on our food or to make horridly discriminatory fat jokes and thought that it was okay and for our good.
People like these naturally assumed that we, the bigger and better group, have no self-control, that we are a lazy bunch who just eat, eat, eat and eat to get to the size we are and that we needed to be told that we should to do something to become the over-rated single-digit size of stick figures.
Staying in a country where most people are of single-digit sizes and double digits are considered obese, it is very difficult for me to go anywhere to shop for clothes. Often, I get disdainful stares from skinny promoters when I asked for bigger sizes of clothes. Always, I get directed to the 'big size women' boutique just because my size do not fit in with the norms of this country. At times, I do feel like an outcast from this size discriminatory treatment.
Despite all this, I have decided 'to hell with it all!' and continue to live life the way I want and who cares if all those stick figures out there continue to cast disdainful looks at me? As long as my husband do not care about the extra comfy padding for him to hug, as long as I am still as healthy as ever and is able to continue breastfeeding my son, the bony specimens of rude people out there can say whatever they want and it won't bother me at all!
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